Tuesday, July 22, 2008

imaginary blog: anachronism 1

Today, after a leisurely afternoon of yachting and drinking martinis with my international film crew, we docked in a small port off the coast of Florida where we were met by a troupe of steadfast and whimsical sailors playing flutes and accordions and singing sea shanties. Behind them were dancing girls carrying bushels of wheat, baskets of spices and chests of jewels.

The head sailor, a tall, handsome lad by the name of Ricardo bowed to myself and my crew of artistes and said, "Miss B_____- my troupe of sailors has just docked ashore after many months of travel. What an astonishing and wonderful pleasure to find you here among the lowly vagabonds and rapscallions that one generally finds in Ft Lauderdale. Please, please, come out and dance and entertain us with your wondrous and heroic stories of your travels. We have heard so much about you and your writerly ways...

I was used to this kind of attention. Ever since helping to establish peace in the Middle East, using gecko blood in order to create a cure for aids, getting a modeling contract from Gucci, and creating a new source of power from several humble household products, I had gained a kind of fame that has helped to finance my many travels, but has thankfully left me humble

Aye, gentlemen and ladies- what is there to say? Today was a most tiring day for myself as well as my crew who I will now introduce to you: the devastatingly beautiful Sarielle, head priestess and librarian, the gorgeous and exotic Saudi Queen Miss Amani, and several other individuals who will surely have a place later on in my travels but have yet to give their consent to allow me to use their names in this blog...

Please, please put those bushels of money and marriage proposals aside...My crew and I certainly deserve resplendent luxuries after all that we have given back to this fine planet which we live, but we prefer to assume a kind of humbleness when abroad...Now, now...no need to grovel...

Just then a huge storm appeared in the horizon. Soon the bright skies and sexy beach tourists vanished only to be replaced by thick rain, fast winds and falling coconuts. In order to avoid injury myself, my lovely crew and all the sailors and dancing girls found relief from the rains in an old abandoned bomb shelter that just happened to be located right there on the beach...

Nothing but canned peaches, tv dinners and blankets! one of the dancing girls exclaimed, How on earth will we survive?

Everyone looked very dumbfounded for a few moments....I looked at my sad company and my heart filled with the kind of compassion that most reserve for only the worst dredges of society like cockroaches and schoolteachers and politicians.

Fear not! I exclaimed. The time has come when I will begin to read to you all my autobiography of my most inspirational life. It is a story filled with danger, adventure, pleasure, science, magic and even love

And with that the sailors, dancing girls, Sarielle and Queen Amani gathered close and I began to tell them my amazing story